Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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