I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
