His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Come on in and take your pants off
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
