It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
