Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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