I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
