11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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