a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
