I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
