I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
