About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
