trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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