There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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