HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
