I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
