Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
