And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
