My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
