you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
