The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
