Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
