just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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