i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
