I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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