moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We have started to decorate penises.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
