i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
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No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
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I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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