there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize