I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
