Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
