Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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