I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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