Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
