Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I skipped work to stalk him.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
