im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
