Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize