This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
