it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
