he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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