thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
