that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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