Pants 0. Shit 1.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Houston, we have a squirter
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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