i wish my penis had a tongue
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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