I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
