Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just fell off a train. Bad.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize