your parents love me but you hate me
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
