why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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