Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Drake has all the answers
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
