Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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