Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
