can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize