I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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