Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
