whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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