he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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