These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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