youre lurking in front of me
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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