This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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