you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
