I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
