They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
