Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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