I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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