Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So much rum. So many feels.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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