I think my vagina is haunted
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
