not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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