At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
