I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
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PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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