and you said cock pushups were impossible
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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