that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
