How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
my sisters under your porch take her home
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
