it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
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Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
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I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
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