I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
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She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
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I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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