I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
