you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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