JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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