This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
