I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
