I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm bleeding and have questions
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
