waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
