i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
