I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
