My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
