I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
