If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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