i think i have two assholes
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
